Who are you: Perfectionist or Worrier? Red flag for both

Let me guess, why do you upset recently?

“Simultaneously, last two months you are facing same drama in your life. Even you do not want to react that way.You shout on someone and then feel guilty….again shout and again feel guilty…shout and guilt. These two’s have a gravitational bound with you like a Galaxy. You are trying over and over to overcome this complex mental state……..but still you are in same box, situation is not improving and scored ‘F-minus’ in your real life.”

If so, stop worrying immediately !

You are not alone experiencing this awkward situation. This unexpected situation happens in our life all on a sudden; surprisingly we can understand the problems but cannot implement the solution. If I am not wrong, the reason behind of your problem is habit of being “perfectionist” or “worrier”.

Yes! It’s a habit, a bad destructive habit of human minds.

According to research from Sydney Blatt, a psychologist at Yale University ,”Perfectionists are more likely to kill themselves than regular, mediocre-performing people.”

Common psychology of a Perfectionist

Sydney Blatt, a psychologist at Yale University finds that perfectionists are more likely to kill themselves than regular, mediocre-performing people.

Lets’ see how do a perfectionist behave?

1. Perfectionist cannot accept mistakes and that making a mistake means they are a failure or a not a good person.
2. They always feel stressed because most of the time they cannot meet their own set standards.
3. They started believe they are not capable as others.
4. Chronic procrastination, difficulty completing tasks, or giving up easily.
5. Always think “Anything less than perfection is a failure”, “If I need help from others, then I am weak”.

Etc. Etc.

How to Overcome Perfectionism?

First of all, you  agree that you have a personality disorder like “perfectionism”. This is not a disease  to be panic! You need not feel shy to accept this reality. Rather imagine you are  normal human being with lots of mistakes.Nobody is perfect in this world. What All we can do is our best.

Just give your best!

Lets’ try some realistic statement to believe everyday job-

• “To err is human. Making a mistake is a normal trend, it does not mean I’m failure or dump.”
• “Everyone makes mistakes! s if I do whats’ wrong??”
• “It’s okay not to be happy all the time. Everyone has a bad day sometime.”
• “It’s okay if some people don’t like me. No one is liked by everyone! Sometimes people is not interested even you do super-duper job. They don’t care because they don’t like you. So no need waste your valuable time thinking of this universal truth. Remember you can no change, you can just do your best.

If you ignore this reality, another symptom will  be added in your personality…you will be habituated of ‘worrier’ then.You worry whole day  find out the answer of ‘WHY’ for silly, asinine and not sensible issues such as ‘ why the stranger at the park glimpse on you, why your teenage son keep talking less recent days, why your good boss do not appreciate your presentation today, why your fiance do not call every day now a days. Why husband respond today in dinner table’??? This is Ok for urging but nagging is too much in that case.

Perfectionist or worrier also  have tendency not to see the situation from another person’s point of view. For example, you may believe that you are lazy because you are only able to help your kids study on weekend hours instead of  every day.You ask every time ‘ why I can’t whereas others can? You feel guilty as an working parents you unable to help your kids study regularly.

Actually, other person ,may be your close friend or cousin think giving time kids study on weekend is quite enough.So, learning to view situations as other people might see them can help you to stop worrying in small issues.

How to Overcome habit of ‘Worry’?

• Stop overthinking and negative self-talk.You need to read and study about some pros and cons of overthinking consequences.It will damage your brain capacity and leads to depression and anxiety.
• Try to understand the situation on others point of view.If we take the previous example of your kids study time that you feel guilty you can not help regularly your kids study and you worried too much about kids bright future.  If you try to understand, you are already aware of the situation and  try to doing help otherwise.Its okay, no need to transfer your stress to the kids.Your close friend is doing exactly and they never think of ‘dark future’ of their kids even they can not spend more time with kids.
• Be an activist rather than judgmental.  Not knowing the real fact, you need to judge a situation. If you feel lonely, just go and meet someone you like most or buy some vegetables to cook for dinner. Stop thinking why I AM ALONE.
• Looking at the big picture of life. Ask yourself ” Is it worthy to worry about something that you can not change?” or “Is this realistic?”.
• Set some realistic standards. For instance, “If you do not get a promotion this year, you will be embarrassed in front of your junior’. The reality is you can not control either what people’s think about us or rhetorically you can not insist your boss to give star in your annual rating for higher post. The only thing you can do to give your best, to develop your skill and knowledge. End of the day, unfortunately if you don’t get promoted, you already became amazing person without any regrets and with your own satisfaction.
• Finally, Pray and talk to GOD for your answer.It is an amazing tools to stop worrying. If something bother me i Just wake up at midnight and dressed my self for prayer and praying till I feel extremely sleepy.Next morning, I wake up with a refreshed mind.

When people are perfectionist and habituate with unnecessary worries, may result their outburst behavior like screaming,bellowing and guiltiness.Obviously, these behavior has some effects on our mental health, brain and relationship.More often they feel like they are failure and scored themselves as ‘F-minus’. To overcome this hurdle mental state, we learn and practice to take good care of ourselves to be Happier and Healthier Person!!

What’s in your toolkit that could be added to this list?

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